Chapter 20
Part One
Thank you all for reading and letting me know what you think and for not killing me.
This chapter is dedicated to Amber/Angel thank you for helping me write the smut part of this. She then finished it when I want not sure it was good enough. Please be kind this is the first smut that have ever wrote before and I was only able to do it with Angel’s help. I would so like to say thank you Mell for making me an new banner for this story. I love it and thank you to everyone for reading this and sending me you reviews.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Instant Star.
Tommy was sitting beside Jude’s hospital bed hold her hand. When Darius knocked on the door and came in. Tommy looked up at him with tears in his eyes.
“Hey Tommy how she doing?” Darius asked as he walked over to Tommy and sat down in the chair next to Tommy’s.
“Not good. They sedated her and she has not been awake since. I don’t know how she is going to get thought this D.” Tommy said as he looked at Jude. He will never ever get the sound of Jude’s blood curtailing scream out of his head for as long as he lives.
“I know Tommy. I about came out of my skin when I heard her scream.” Darius said with as he looked over at Jude. She had taken ten years off of his life when he heard her scream.
“D how is Sadie doing?” Tommy asked.
“Not good. I tell you one think I ever get into a fight and need someone in my corner I will call Sadie any day of the week.” Darius said with a chuckle.
“Why what happen?” Tommy asked Darius not sure he wanted to really know what had happen.
“Tommy when she heard Jude scream she tried to get in here to her and Kwest grabbed her to try and stop her. She some how managed to dislocate Kwest shoulder and it took SME Jamie, Shay and Mason to retain her and keep her out of here. She is one amazing lady and she fight for those she loves.” Darius said with a smile. Jude had wormed her way into Darius’s heart a long time ago. He had always liked Sadie but after they day with Stuart and then today she had also wormed her way into his heart.
“Is Kwest going to be okay?” Tommy asked laughing at what Darius had just told him. He was really glad Jude had a sister like Sadie.
“Yes he will be fine and Jude’s Doctor gave Sadie something to sleep. Right now her heart is breaking for Jude and the baby you two just lost.” Darius said god what he would not give to be able to take way the pain they are all going through away and give Jude and Tommy their daughter. Before Tommy could say anything there was another knock on the door and a lady in her mid thirties walked in.
“I to talk to Ms. Harrison but since she is asleep I will come back.” The lady said smiling at Tommy as she turned to leave the room.
“Is there anything I can help you with and who are you?” Tommy asked the stopping her in her tracks.
“My name is Amanda Philips and I know who you are Little Tommy Q I am a huge fan of yours.” Amanda said smiling at Tommy as she laid her hand on his arm.
“Good for you and the name is Tommy. Now what do you need from Jude.” Tommy said removing Amanda’s hand from his arm and stepping away from her.
“Oh I am here from record and I need to know the name of the baby and who the father was for the birth and death certificate.” She said still smiling at Tommy as she stepped closer to him again. Darius just stared at her in disbelief and Tommy pushed her away from him.
“Stay way from me and get out.” Tommy said all but yelling at her.
“Tommy no.” Someone said as Darius grabbed Amanda. They both turn to see Jude awake with tears in her eyes and all the anger went of Tommy as he walked back over to Jude and kissed her on the forehead.
“Girl your awake.” Tommy said trying to be strong for Jude. He know that he had to hold it together
“Yes there nothing like waking up to someone wanted the name your baby for a death certificate.” Jude said sarcastically shooting Amanda a dirty look.
“Jude you don’t have to do this right now. She can come back later.” Tommy said to Jude.
“No Tommy I want to get this over with.” Jude said trying to sit up but it hurt to much for that. Tommy seeing her try to set up helped her and Darius got her a glass of water and brought it too her.
“Alright, what is your daughters name and Who is her father?” Amanda asked not even trying to be nice or sympathetic at all and shorting Jude a dirty look.
Jude looked over at the window staring at nothing but the blue sky with tears in her eyes. “Her name is Mackenzie-Alexsandria Noelle Harrison and her father” Tommy started to say but Jude cut him off.
“No that not her name her name is Mackenzie-Alexsandria Noelle Quincy and her Father is Thomas Anthony Quincy.” Jude said as she looked at Tommy with tears in her eyes. Tommy smiled at Jude and kissed her on her forehead. Amanda looked up and gasped in shock at Jude’s announcement.
“Now is there anything else you need?” Tommy asked Amanda as he shpt her a dirty look.
“You know you should be ashamed of yourself. You slept with a married man and got pregnant. You dissevered what you got and to think I use to be a fan of yours” Amanda said as she shot Tommy a dirty look and she turned to leave the room but Darius caught her by the arm and yanked her back in just as a nurse walked into the room.
“You go and get your Administrator and you chef right now.” Darius said to the nurse that just walked in. She took one look at Jude’s pale shocked face and a pissed of Tommy and Darius and all but ran out of the room. While Darius looked at Amanda with pure murder in his eyes.
“Who the hell do you think you are and where the hell do you get off coming in here and treating Jude like that. She has never done a thing to you. She just lost her daughter and you said that shit to her. How dare you. No one deserves what just happened to her and you should be ashamed of yourself for saying that to her. You are just some jealous little fan that is pissed because Tommy fell in love with Jude and he would not even give you the time of day when you walked in here and all but throw yourself at him a few minuets ago and that pissed you off. It does not matter if he was married or not you have not right to take you personal feeling out on a patient. I am going to have your job before this is over with and you will be lucky if you will ever get another job working in another hospital again. Now let’s go and tell you bosses what you did.” Darius said as he grabbed Amanda and yanked her out of Jude’s room.
“She right Tommy.” Jude said as she looked up at him. “It my fault our daughter is dead I killed her.”
“Jude no it not. It was an accident it not you fault you did nothing wrong.” Tommy said not knowing what to do to help her. Jude did not answer. She just stared at the wall with tears in her eyes. Tommy did not get a chance to say anything else to Jude because Sadie come running into the room. Tommy looked at her and shook his head no. He kissed Jude on the forehead and walked out of the room to give Sadie and Jude some time alone.
Three Day’s later.
“How is she doing?” Portia asked as she walked into Jude’s hospital. She found Tommy sitting next to Jude’s hospital bed. Sadie and Kwest curled up on a couch together and Darius sitting in a chair looking over some paper work.
Tommy looked up at Portia and signaled for her to wait out side and he got up whispered into Jude ear and kissed her on the forehead and looked over at Darius, then Sadie and Kwest as he walked out of Jude’s room. To go and talk to Portia. It was time to tell her the truth and they all knew it. The press was having a field day. With the death of Jude’s baby. They had not got wind of the fact that Tommy was the father yet. Only because Darius threaded to sue the hospital and anyone that leaked it to the press and after what happen with Amanda the staff was scared of Darius. He had threatened to sue the hospital and Amanda personally.
Tommy walked out into the hallway to find Portia standing there waiting for him. He looked at her and tried to smile. But he could not. He was to worried about Jude and trying to get her through this.
“Come on lets take a walk down to the chapel and talk.” Tommy said as they started to walk. Tommy wondered how he was going to do this. He hoped that Portia would not hate him.
They walked silently down the hallway into the chapel. Once there Tommy walked up to the front and light a candle for his daughter and for Jude. He then asked for some help to tell Portia what was going on. He had to do it before the press did it for him. He was not stupid. He knew they could find out any second. Know matter how much Darius was threatening the hospital. It would not stay quite.
“Portia I don’t know how to tell you this. So I am just going to tell you.” Tommy said turning to look at Portia.
“Tommy” Portia started to say but Tommy cut her off.
“No Portia I need to tell you this so please just listen to me. I am the father of Jude’s baby. Mackenzie was my daughter.” Tommy said waiting for Portia’s reaction. What happened next shocked the hell out of him.
“Tommy I know. I have known all along.” Portia said to Tommy as she sat down on one of the pews and signaled for him to sit down next to her.
“What? How?” Tommy asked as he sat down next to her.
“Tommy I have watched you and Jude for years now there is a chemistry there between the two of you that can not be hide that kind of chemistry and you two spent three months a lone at Jude’s Ranch house. How D bought that story Jude made up is beyond me.” Portia laughed as she thought about it. “I also know that you two got involved when you thought we were going to get a divorce. I know you love her Tommy and it must have broke you heart and Jude’s when you told her that you and I had to stay married. I am sorry I got you into this mess. I am really trying to get us out of it so you and Jude and be together.” Portia said as her eyes filled with tears. She hated the mess that her life had become and she wanted this all over with. They just had to wait a little while longer and then they could both be free. Then Tommy and Jude could be together and to hell with the world.
“So what do we do now Portia? I don’t know how much more I can take.” Tommy said to her as he got up and started pacing the chapel.
“I am going to find us a way out of this and you are going to be there for Jude and Tommy she is going to need you more now then ever. Even when she is pushing you away and blaming her self. She is going to need you. Trust me I know.” Portia said with a far away look in her eyes. She knew what Jude was going through and she wished she could take that pain away from Jude. Jude never disserved this.
“Thank you Portia. I really needed to hear that. We need to get back to Jude.” Tommy said running his hands through his hair. He had not been way from her this long since they lost Mackenzie and he hated it. He needed to be close to her right now.
“Your welcome and really how is she doing?” Portia asked as she got up and they started to leave.
“She not doing good. She has not really said anything since that bitch was in the day we lost Mackenzie and she told Jude it was her fault that Mackenzie died.” Tommy said this cause Portia to stop walking and stare at Tommy in shock.
“Tommy what the hell are you talking about.” Portia asked grabbing Tommy by his arm. Tommy looked at Portia and chuckled.
“Come on I will fill you in on the way back.” Tommy said with a nod of his head.
Mean while in Jude’s room. Kwest, Sadie and Darius are sitting with her talking quietly. Jude was sitting in bed staring at the wall. When she looked over at them.
“Kwest. Darius can you do something for me?” She asked causing them all to jump in surprise. They got up and walked over the bed and sat down on it.
“Anything, for you rock star.” Kwest said as Sadie reach out and tucked a piece of Jude’s hair behind her ear.
“Be there for Tommy. Everyone keeps telling him to be strong and to be there for me. But who is there for him. Don’t forget that he needs someone right now also. So be there when he needs to yell, scream, and even cry. If he needs to punch something or someone. Call Spied and Jamie they owe me and can take one for the team. Please just be there for him, right now I don’t know if I can. I can’t even take care of my self.” Jude said looking at them with tears in her eyes. She felt so helpless and lost. She wanted her baby and her baby was gone.
“Of course we will Jude.” Darius said with a reassuring smile. Right now he would do just about any think for Jude they all would. Before anyone else could say anything Tommy and Portia came walking in. Jude looked over at Tommy and then Portia. Portia walked over and hugged Jude. Jude just laid her head on Portia’s shoulder and closed her eyes.
There was a knock on Jude’s and Jude’s doctor and Nurse Martha came walking in.
“Good morning Jude. We are here to check you over and then release you from the hospital.” The Dr Miller said as he looked up from the clip board at Jude.
“Good I want to go home.” Jude said looking up at the Dr Miller and Martha. Jude just wanted to go home. She wanted to go the place that she felt the safest and happiest.
“Can you all excuse us.” Dr. Miller said to everyone in Jude’s room. Dr. Miller came out and told Tommy and Sadie the Jude was released and that she could go as soon as she made an appointment for a follow up appointment to have the staples removed from her c-section in about a week. He then gave them a prescription for a pain killer and a sedative for Jude in case she needed them. Martha came back in and helped Jude get ready to leave. Darius made the arrangement and there was a limo waiting when they left the hospital. They were bombarded by the press but Jude just ignored them and stared striate head.
Jude stared out the window all they way to her house. When they pulled up out side Jude’s house everyone climbed out. Tommy helped Jude get out of the limo and into the house.
“Jude are you okay?” Tommy asked when Jude stopped just inside the door and leaned on Tommy.
“Just tired and I hurt. I want to go to bed.” Jude said as Tommy helped her up the stairs and into her room. Tommy and walked over to Jude’s closet and pulled out on of his shirts that she had stolen from him and brought is back to her.
“Here put this on and I will go and get you some water to take you pain meds with.” Tommy said as she handed her the shirt and walked into the master bathroom. When Tommy came back Jude had changed into his shirt and was sitting on the bed.
“Here girl take these.” Tommy said as he handed Jude two pills and the glass of water. Jude took that pills and a drink of that water and handed Tommy the glass back. As Jude pulled down the blankets and comforter and climbed into bed. Tommy pulled the blanket up and tucked Jude into bed then kissed her on the forehead. He was just getting ready to leave the room when Jude reach out and grabbed his arm.
“Don’t go Please don’t leave me too.” Jude said looking up at Tommy.
“I will never leave you girl. I love you..“ He said looking down at her and smiled then climbed onto the bed with her. He held her till she fell asleep. Once Jude was asleep Tommy pulled away from her and kissed her on the forehead again and left Jude alone to sleep. He went down stairs to find Darius, Sadie, Kwest, Speidermen, Wally Kyle, Patsy, Jamie, Shay, Mason and Portia all sitting in the living room talking. They all looked up when Tommy came down stairs.
“How is she?” Sadie asked when Tommy walked into the living room and sat down on the couch.
“She asleep for now.” Tommy said as he laid his head back on the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table and closed his eyes.
“We can’t leave her alone right now. Some one has to stay with her.” Darius said as he got up and started pacing the room. He was really worried about Jude.
“Right now Jude needs all of us but the person she needs most is Tommy.” Portia said as everyone but Tommy and Darius looked at her in shock.
“I know that Tommy is the father and right now Jude is what matters and Tommy lost is daughter also. So right now he is the only one that can even come lose of know what Jude is feeling. He needs to be the one that is here for when she is ready to deal with what happen. Because right now she is in shock and doesn’t want to face the fact that her daughter is dead.” Portia explained to everyone. She wished there was more that she could to but there wasn’t.
“What do we do to help her though this? She is my sister Portia and I want to help her.” Sadie said with tears in her eyes.
“Right now there is not much you can do but be there for her when she is ready to talk to you. Don’t push her let her came to all of you.” Portia said to Sadie as Darius handed Sadie a Kleenex.
“Sadie we know you want to help Jude we all do, but Portia is right now she needs Tommy and I know when she is ready she will come to you and talk.” Darius said to Sadie.
“Sadie why don’t you and Kwest stay here, that way you are here when she needs you.” Tommy said to Sadie as he got up and walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water for Sadie. He came back in and handed it to her.
“So are you going to stay here with her also?” Sadie asked him as she took the bottle of water from him.
“Yes I am, Sades she needs me right now just as much as I need her and I can’t just leave her right now.” Tommy said as his eyes filled with tears. Sadie got up off the couch and hugged him.
“You know she really loves you. When you left to talk to Portia today. She asked all of us to take care of you and to be here for you because she knows that you are going to need all of us. You can’t get her through this on your own. She said that you were going to try and be strong for her and that we needed to be strong for you.” Sadie told him as she pulled away from him and tried to smile at him.
“Jude and I need all of you and don’t think that we don’t because we do it just hard to ask for that help.” Tommy said just as the phone rang. Sadie answered it and after a few minute hung up.
“That was the hospital. They are ready to release Mac’s body.” Sadie said as tears filled her eyes again.
Tommy just stood there not saying anything he didn’t know what say. Holding her and saying good bye to her was one thing but burring her is something entirely different and he didn’t now if he could do that or even how to go about doing that.
“Tommy. Portia and I will call take care memorial service and the burial. I promise something small and family and friends only, no press of any kind. Tommy what would you like us to do with the flowers and stuffed animals that have been left out side of G Major?” Darius asked Tommy.
“Take the stuffed animals and give them to the children at that hospital make sure every child get one and every baby also. As for the flowers if they are still good give them to the woman that hospital.” Tommy said running his hands throw his hair.
“Patsy, Jamie, Wally, Kyle and I can do that if it alright.” Speid said to them. He wanted to help some how and he thought this was they way they could do it.
“Shay and I can help also.” Mason said with a sad smile.
Before anyone else could say way thing they were interrupted by Jude screaming. Tommy didn’t even hesitate he took off up the stairs before anyone could blink.
Tommy ran into Jude’s room to find her sitting up in bed with fear in her eyes.
“Jude are you alright?” Tommy asked as he walked over the bed and sat down next to her.
“I had a dream and you left me.” Jude said looking at him as he pulled her into his arms and held her.
“I love you girl I am not going any ware. I promise you that.” Tommy said kissing her on the top of her head as he ran his hand through her hair. Jude sat there listening to Tommy’s heart staring at the wall.
“But you weren’t here when I woke up.” Jude said to him.
“I was down stairs talking to Sadie and everyone. Girl the hospital called they are ready to release Mackenzie body, Darius is going to handle the memorial service and the burial site. Is that alright with you.” Tommy asked her as she pulled her away from his so he could look into her eyes.
“How do I say good bye to a baby that I never got to hold or see Tommy that was just in side of me a couple of days ago kicking and moving around. How Tommy?” Jude asked him is a sad voice.
“I don’t know Jude, I wish I did but I don’t” Tommy said as he kissed her softly on her lips and then pulled her back into his arms.
“Go a head and let Darius handled it.” Jude said as she closed her eyes. Thinking that maybe if she kept them closed long enough that when she opened them she would find out this was all a dream.
“Alright I will tell him. Do you want anything to eat?” Tommy asked her rubbing her back like you would a small child.
“No, not hungry.” Jude said to him. As she pulled away from Tommy and curled up into a ball and pulled the blankets to her chin and stared at the wall. Tommy sat there watching her not knowing what to do to help the women he loved through this. He felt so helpless and lost.
“Is it alright if I go back down stairs or do you want me to stay with you?” Tommy asked her as he reach out and touched her.
“Are you going to come back?” Jude asked him taking her hand into hers and tucking it under her chin.
“Yes I am going to stay here for as long as you need me.” Tommy said leaning over and kissing her on her cheek.
“Alright go down and talk to Darius. Tommy is Sadie here?” She asked when Tommy pulled away from her.
“Yes she is her and Kwest are going to stay here also in case you need them do you want me to send Sadie up?” He asked her as he got off the bed.
“No just wanted to know if she was here.” Jude said as she closed her eyes again and went back to sleep. Tommy watched her sleep for a minute and then left the room and went back down stairs.
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It was a week later. They had memorial service last nigh. Jude just sat there staring at the little casket with the white stuffed bear and flowers on it. She was completely emotional less she didn’t cry or say anything but stare at the casket. To day they were burring there daughter, Darius had it arranged so that everyone was picked up in limo’s and taken to the burial site and a priest would say a pray and that would be it. They didn’t want to put Jude through any more then she had already been through. Darius and Sadie was handling the press.
Jude was sitting in her bed room in a black dress with a black shawl. The only jewelry she had on was silver cross neck less, small silver hop earrings and the bracelet Tommy had got her for her birthday. Sadie had just finished putting her hair up in twist on the top of her head. When Tommy came walking into her room. He looked at her and gave her a sad smile. Sadie nodded to Tommy and left them alone.
“Girl it time to go.” Tommy said as he knelt down in front of her. She was staring at the wall again. She was going that a lot lately. Tommy couldn’t get her out of her room and she was barely eating and every time she slept she would walk up screaming. Tommy wanted to help her but didn’t know what to do to help her.
Jude looked up at him and stood up “Will you hold my hand today?” She asked him is a small voice.
“Try and stop me.” Tommy said to her as he took her hand and pulled her close to him.
Jude walked down the stairs with Tommy right next to her. Sadie was waiting as the bottom of the stairs for them.
“Jude the press is all over the place out there. Here put these on.” Sadie said handing her a pair of black sunglasses and a black hat. Jude took them and put them on as Tommy put in his sunglasses. Darius opened the front door and came walking in with SME, Portia, Patsy, Jamie, Mason, and Shay right behind him.
“Jude the cars are here are you ready to go?” Darius asked, know it was a dumb question to asked but what else was he suppose to say.
“No,” She said as she took Tommy hand and reach and grabbed Sadie’s. She looked at Sadie, “don’t let go.” Jude said as she leaned against Sadie and Tommy. Tears filled Sadie’s eyes as they walked out of the house through the swarm of press and the crowd of people that had gathered in front of Jude’s house and into the cars they went.
Jude stared out the window of the limo watching the scenery around her but not paying attention to what was really going on around her. She didn’t even know who was in the limo with her. She just wanted this to be over with. She could not believe that her baby was gone and it was all her fault. She had killed her baby. If she had paid better attention at the stop light then her baby might still be her. She felt like god was punishing her for loving Tommy and for being with him when he was still married. It was all her fault. She was so into her thoughts she didn’t realize the limo had stopped until Tommy touched her hand.
“Jude where girl.” He said to her when she turned and looked at him. He climbed out and took her hand and helped her out of the limo. Sadie climbed out right behind her and took her other hand. With Kwest next to Sadie. Darius. Portia, Patsy, Jamie, SME, Mason and Shay were all behind them. They walked over to the burial site and to the waiting seats.. Tommy sat Jude down, when he tried to pull his hand away she instantly tightened her grip on his hand.
“Hey girl I have to go and talk to the priest for a minute then I will be right back.” Tommy said to her gently removing his hand from hers and kissing her on the forehead. She looked as him and nodded her head and let go of his hand. Jude stared at the pile of dirt covered with that green felts stuff. She didn’t know Tommy had came back till he sat down next to her and took her hand again. She looked up and him and then laid her head on his chest and went back to staring at the green felt covering the pile of dirt that would soon be covering her baby. Her little girl she thought. As she watched them lower the casket into the grave. She the got up when Tommy told her to and they walked over and Jude dropped the white and purple rose into the grave on top the casket then throw in the pile of dirt that Tommy had handed her. Then they were walking back to the car and back to Jude’s house. When they got there everyone went inside.
“Jude there are sandwiches and soup in the kitchen, these even some pop tarts do you want any?” Sadie asked her as Tommy help Jude off with her black shawl and her hat. Jude took her sunglasses off.
“No thank you I am not hungry. I am going to go and lay down now.” Jude said as she walked up the stairs and into her room and shut the door.
“I am going to go see if she is alright.” Tommy said as he went up stairs to check on her. He knocked on the door and walked in to find Jude sitting on her bed. She looked up at Tommy.
“I can’t get my dress off.” She said to him. He smiled at her.
“Come here,” He said as she got up and walked over to him and turned around so he could unzip her dress. Tommy slowly unzipped her dress running his finder down her back as he went. He leaned forward and kissed the nape of her neck. Jude moaned and leaned into Tommy’s touch and closed her eyes. Tommy finished unzipping her dress he continued to place small open mouth kisses along her next and her back.
“God Tommy that feel so good.” Jude said on a moan as Tommy turned her around and kissed her. She opened her mouth for his tongue as she wrapped on hand around his neck and the other one under his jacket.
“I have missed holding you like this.” Tommy said when he pulled way from the kiss for air. Jude leaned her head forward and rested it on his chest and tried to catch her breath as Tommy reach up and undid her hair so it would cascade down around her and so he could run his hand through it. He was about to kiss her again when there was a knock on the door and Sadie walked in. Sadie looked at Tommy and then Jude and turned to leave the room.
“No Sades stay, what do you need.” Jude said pulling away from Tommy and reaching for her robe and still holding her dress up.
“Um sorry, I wanted to see if you two wanted anything to eat.” Sadie said knowing she had interrupted something and feeling bad for doing it.
“Sadie I already told you I am not hungry so stop I will eat when want to.” Jude said getting annoyed with Sadie. She knew that Sadie only wanted to help but she didn’t want it right now.
“Give Tommy and I a minute and then he will be down.” Jude said to Sadie. Sadie looked at Jude and then left the room.
“I will be back in a sec.” Jude said as she walked into the bathroom and changed. She came out of the bathroom in her robe and to find Tommy sitting in her bed looking out the window. Jude walked over to Tommy and sat down next to him.
“You know I love you right.” Jude as to Tommy,
“Yes and I love you,” Tommy said as he reach out to touch her but she pulled away from him.
“Don’t this can’t happen again. You need to leave Tommy.” Jude said standing up and walked over to the chair that was in front of the window and curled up in it.
Tommy looked at Jude like she had just grown two heads. “What do you mean this can’t happen again?” Tommy asked wanting to make sure he had heard her right.
“You and me, you are married Tommy and we can’t be together, you need to go home to your wife.” Jude said looking out the widow and not at him. She knew if she looked at Tommy she would not be able to do this.
“No Jude, I love you.” Tommy said as tears filled his eyes and he knelt down in front of her. Just like he did the night of her sixteenth birthday party.
“Tommy we have to. You are married and I can’t do this.” Jude said she turned and looked him in the eyes. Tommy reach out and pulled her to him and kissed her. She kissed him back for a minute and then pulled away from him.
“Jude why are you doing this?” Tommy asked her.
“Because our daughter is dead and it my fault. I killed our daughter. I love you and I wanted something I could not have to god is punishing me he took my baby from me.” Jude all but yelled at him.
“No Jude it was not you fault. It was an accident.” Tommy said trying to reason with her but she was having none of it.
“Yes Tommy it was my fault. Now leave go home to you wife, I don’t want you here.” Jude said as she walked away from him and into the bathroom and shut and locked the door.. Tommy stood there for a moment then he felt someone touch his shoulder. He turned his head and saw Sadie standing there..
“Tommy go down stairs and I will try and talk to her.” Sadie said to him. He just looked at her heart broken with tears in his eyes and then left the room.
Sadie went over and knocked on the bath room door.
“Jude it me he’s gone, you can come out now.” Sadie said to Jude. The then heard the door unlock and Jude stuck her head out around the door to make sure. When she did not see him in the room she came out and walked over to her bed and took of her robe and climbed under the blankets and curled up into a ball.
“Please leave me alone.” Jude said not facing Sadie as she pulled the blanket up to her chin.
“NO Jude we are not going to leave you alone you can push us all away if you want to but we are not going to go away and how could you did that to Tommy. He loves you and you love him.” Sadie said to Jude as she walked over and sat down in the chair by Jude’s bed.
“I know he does and I love him but we can’t do this anymore he needs to be with his wife and work on his marriage.” Jude said to Sadie.
“That didn’t stop you for I mean after he told you that he was staying married.” Sadie said to Jude as she tried to reason with her.
“Yeah and look where it got up. My baby is dead because I wouldn’t stay way from Tommy I am being punished for wanted someone I shouldn’t be with.” Jude said to Sadie.
“Oh honey it not yours or Tommy’s fault that you baby is gone.” Sadie said to her wanted to help her and Tommy but not sure how to.
“Then who’s fault is it?” Jude demanded to know.
“Jude it was not ones fault it was an accident.” Sadie said to Jude.
“No it was my fault now leave me alone.” Jude said turning away from Sadie. Sadie didn’t know what to do.
“Fine Jude I will leave this room but I am not leaving you alone.” Sadie said as she got up and walked out of Jude’s room and back down stairs.
She found Kwest talking to Tommy, Darius, Shay and Mason. Patsy, Jamie and SME were playing a game on the X Box 360. They all stopped what they were doing and turned and looked at her. She shook her head has tears filled her eyes.
“She thinks it all her fault, She keeps saying she killed her baby. How do we help her?” Sadie sobbed as Kwest ran over and caught her as she collapsed.
“Sadie!” Kwest said as she picked her up and she wrapped her arms around him and sobbed into his shoulder. She cried for the baby her sister lost, she cried because she could not help any of them.
“I’m alright Kwest.” Sadie said after a few minute she pulled away and looked up at him.
“Sadie why don’t you and Kwest go home tonight and get some rest. Mason and I will stay here and watch over Shorty.” Shay suggested. Tommy walked over to Kwest and Sadie and sat down next to them.
“I will also be here. I know why she is pushing me away and I am not going to let her do it. Sades you need to get some sleep and take care you self if you don’t you are going to make you self sick. Tommy said to her and Kwest.
“Will you call me if anything happens?” Sadie asked Tommy, Mason and Shay. They all looked at her and smiled and shook their heads yes.
“Alright I will go but you have to call me.” Sadie said feeling guilty for leaving Jude she knew that Tommy was right. So she got up and took Kwest hand and they left.
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Two weeks later.
“D am really worried about Jude. She is hardly eating any thing and she is barely sleeping and when she does sleep she wakes up screaming. That I know of she had not wrote anything in weeks. All she does most of the time is lay in bed and stare at the wall.” Tommy said passing Darius office. He was at his wits end he did not know what to do to help Jude and every time he tried she would push him away.
“Tommy calm down. You got her here today. How did you do that?” Darius asked , he had been at Jude’s place almost everyday. He would stop by to fide out how she was doing. If he could not get there he talked to Kwest, Sadie, Mason, Shay, Patsy, Jamie and ever SME, where all taking turns staying at Jude’s place. So he had constant updates on how she and Tommy were doing.
“She had a doctor’s appointment this morning and the she asked me to bring her here. She went stare to Studio C but that was a couple of hours ago. She has not come out since. I don’t know what’s going on with her.” Tommy said to Darius as he ran his hand through his hair in frustration. Tommy looked like he had not slept in weeks either and the truth was he has had about as much sleep as Jude had. He had taken to sleeping out side her bedroom door so he was there when she would wake up screaming. That was the only time she would let him near her and then is was only for a few minutes then she would push him away and turn her back to him. He would either leave the room or go sit in the chair that was in the corner of her room and watch over her.
“T sit down you are starting to make me dizzy. What did the doctor say?” Darius asked as he got up and walked over to the bar that was in his office and got a bottle of water. He came back and handed to Tommy. Then sat back down behind his desk.
“Ally Jude’s first doctor is back. Which was a good thing? She said physically Jude is alright the scar from the c-section healed great. That Jude could go back to normal activities, but Jude slightly under weight and she really needs to eat more and try and get some more sleep and the is all tired into her mental heath which at the moment is not good. Ally is worried in the part and want Jude to talk to someone, but Jude refused when Ally brought it up.” Tommy explained to Darius as he played with the label on the bottle of water.
“Well at least Jude is out of the house and is here. Why don’t you go to Studio A and try mixing the song Jude was working on before all of this happened.” Darius said try to get Tommy’s mind off of what was going on..
“That would be great I need to do something or I am going to pull my hair out.” Tommy said taking a drinking of the bottle of water.
Darius laughed at that. “Sorry Tommy I was just trying to visualizes you with no hair.”
“Funny D.” Tommy said but he found him self laughing at the thought also.
“Tommy get out of here and go finish mixing the song for me.” Darius said as the phone rang. Tommy smiled at him and left Darius to his phone call and headed to Studio A. Tommy walked in and looked around it was just like he left it the paper work he had been working that day was still sitting there. He walked over to the sound board and sat down and put on a set of head phones and got to work. He was so into what he was doing he did realize someone had come into the room until he felt someone touch his shoulder he spun around to find Kwest standing there laughing at him.
“Damn Kwest are you trying to give me a heart attack?” Tommy said as he took the head phones.
“Sorry Tommy I didn’t mean to scare you. I said you name like five time before I touched your should to get your attention. You were really into that you were working on.” Kwest said as he sat down next to Tommy.
“It alright I was working on the song Jude did the day we lost Mac.” Tommy told Kwest as he turned back to the sound board.
“What the song?” Kwest asked Tommy.
“It titled Did I Tell You That I love You Today?” Tommy told Kwest as he went back to mixing the song. Kwest sat there watching Tommy work. He didn’t know what to do to help Tommy or Jude. He didn’t even know if he could.
“Hey Tommy if you ever want to talk you know I am here right?” Kwest asked after a while.
“Yeah I know and thanks.” Tommy said to Kwest as he continued to work. Kwest was about to say something when Jude walked into the Studio Kwest looked at her and taped Tommy on the shoulder. Tommy turned ready to tell Kwest to leave him alone but stopped when he saw Jude standing there.
“Hey girl.” Tommy said smiling at her.
“I have a song I want to do.” Jude said as she walked over to the sound booth and walked in and shut the door and put on the head phones and waited for Tommy.
Kwest looked at Tommy with a look like what going to. Tommy looked at him and shrugged his shoulders as he turned back to the sound board. “Alright girl what is the name of the song.?” Tommy asked her.
The name if the song is Fly “Jude said as she closed her eyes and started to play the guitar. She started to sing trying to keep the tears out of her voice and eyes. She had to do this. This was for her daughter. For her little Angel.
(A/N: Celine Dion Fly) Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove
Upon the wind of heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again
Fly, fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this mem'ry bittersweet
Until we meet
Tommy was so focused on Jude and what he was feeling he didn’t realize that Kwest had got up and left the Studio or when he came back with, Sadie, Darius, Liam, SME, Mason, Shay, Patsy and Jamie. They all where standing there listening to Jude sing. They all could feel her heart break and the pain she was feeling from the lost of her daughter.
Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forget
Tommy sat there watching Jude . He knew this was her way of trying to say good bye to their daughter, Her way of trying to deal with what has happened. He wanted to run into the sound booth and take Jude into his arms, but he know he had to wait just a little bit longer.
Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light
Jude finished and finally opened her eyes. She looked at Tommy and everyone standing there with tears in there eyes and she stood up and started to shake her head know as the tears started to fall she looks at Tommy.
“Why, why our baby, Why Tommy why.” She screamed as she picked up the stole she had been sitting on and throw it across the room.
Tommy tried to get up and go to her, but Darius stopped him. “No T let her do this. She needs to.” Darius said to Tommy. Kwest was holding Sadie as she watched Jude.
Jude then preceded to tear t the sound booth apart. Knocking over and breaking musical instruments and microphones. The hole time screaming and crying. She finally stopped and looked out at everyone and then at Tommy.
“Tommy help me please.” She sobbed. Darius let Tommy go and Tommy ran into the sound booth and caught Jude as her legs gave out and she sobbed into his chest as he held her. Darius turned to everyone and told them to leave.
“Tommy make it stop please make the pain stop.” Jude begged Tommy as she wrapped her arms around him.
“I wish I could girl but I can’t” Tommy said as he eyes filled with tears.
“I want my baby Tommy.” She cried looking up at him. With tears running down her face.
“I know Jude I want to her two but she is gone.” Tommy said to her as he pulled her back into his arms.
“God Tommy I just want it all to go way. I want to wake up and find that this was all just a dream and that our baby is still alive.” Jude said to him as she laid her head against his chest and closed her eyes. “I am tired Tommy so tired but every time I go to sleep have the same dream over and over again..” she told him.
“I know you want it all to go way so do I. As for being tired close you eyes I will hold you and stay with you while you sleep.” Tommy said getting carrying Jude out of the sound booth and over to the couch and sitting down with her.
“I’m sorry Quincy.” Jude said to Tommy when he sat down.
“What for girl?” Tommy asked kissing the top of her head.
“For pushing you away.” Jude said as she drifted off to sleep.
“I love you girl.” Tommy whispered in her ears as he rubbed her back. He stayed like that for a while. Until he knew that Jude was not going to wake up. He then reach into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out his cell.
“Hey can you come to back the in here I need a few favors and please bring Kwest and Sadie with you. I am whispering because Jude is asleep and I don’t want to wake her up and see you in a couple of minute.” Tommy said as he shut off his phone and closed it. He sat there holding her. He missed having her in his arms and he didn’t want to let her go. He was still holding her a few minutes later when Darius, Sadie and Kwest came walking in.
“Hey T what do you need.?” Darius asked when they were in the room.
“I want to take Jude away from here for a while.” Tommy said he laid Jude down on the couch and walked over to the sound booth and signaled for them to follow him.
“Are you sure about this Tommy?” Kwest asked when they were in the sound booth.
“Yes I am, the press is still all over Jude. If I can get her way from here she can have the time and the attention she needs to deal with what has happened and I can help her and make sure she eats and I can be there when and if she wakes up screaming. She needs this and so do I.” Tommy told them as he looked over through the window at a sleeping Jude.
“What do you need me to do Tommy?” Sadie asked him before anyone else could say anything.
“I want you to go to her house and get her some close and her swimming suit.” Tommy said to Sadie.
“I will be back in ten minutes.” Sadie said walking over to Tommy and hugging him then leave to do as he asked.
“Tommy what do you need me to do?” Kwest asked. Tommy tossed Kwest his keys.
“Here are the keys to my car. Go to my place get me some close and bring the Viper back.” Tommy said to Kwest. Kwest looked at the keys in his hand and smiled.
“Will be back in 20 minutes.” Kwest said as he left with Tommy’s keys.
“Alright Tommy you win take as much time as you need to Jude’s head back where is should be and yours also.” Darius said as he watched Kwest leave. Then looked at Tommy like he had lost his mind.
“What?” Tommy said looked up at Darius.
“You just let Kwest drive your Viper a car that I know of on one else as been able to drive since you bought it.” Darius said shaking his head.
“The only other person that had ever drove my Viper before now has been Jude.” As he looked back over to make sure she was alright.
“Now I know you have it bad. Take your girl and go to where ever it is you are going to take her and get her better Tommy. I want the happy fun loving Jude back when you two come back.” Darius said as he left the sound booth and the studio and Tommy walked out and back over to Jude and sat down next to her on the couch.
He stayed that way till Kwest and Sadie showed back up with what he had asked for.
“Thank you .” Tommy said when they walked into the studio.
“She is still asleep. That good Tommy were are you taking her?” Sadie asked him as she looked over at Jude.
“Sadie I am taking to a place that she was the happiest I have ever seen her at.” Tommy said not wanting to tell them where he was going to take her.
“You are taking her back to the ranch aren’t you?” Sadie to him as she handed Jude’s bag to Tommy.
“Yes I am.” Tommy told her as he took the bag and picked a sleeping Jude up.
“Tommy bring my little sister back happy alright.” Sadie told him. He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.
“I will try my best.” Tommy said to her as he carried a sleeping Jude out of G Major and placed her in the Viper and buckled her in. He then went and put her back in the trunk with is bag and climbed into the car and drove off towards the ranch house..
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It was a week later. They had memorial service last nigh. Jude just sat there staring at the little casket with the white stuffed bear and flowers on it. She was completely emotional less she didn’t cry or say anything but stare at the casket. To day they were burring there daughter, Darius had it arranged so that everyone was picked up in limo’s and taken to the burial site and a priest would say a pray and that would be it. They didn’t want to put Jude through any more then she had already been through. Darius and Sadie was handling the press.
Jude was sitting in her bed room in a black dress with a black shawl. The only jewelry she had on was silver cross neck less, small silver hop earrings and the bracelet Tommy had got her for her birthday. Sadie had just finished putting her hair up in twist on the top of her head. When Tommy came walking into her room. He looked at her and gave her a sad smile. Sadie nodded to Tommy and left them alone.
“Girl it time to go.” Tommy said as he knelt down in front of her. She was staring at the wall again. She was going that a lot lately. Tommy couldn’t get her out of her room and she was barely eating and every time she slept she would walk up screaming. Tommy wanted to help her but didn’t know what to do to help her.
Jude looked up at him and stood up “Will you hold my hand today?” She asked him is a small voice.
“Try and stop me.” Tommy said to her as he took her hand and pulled her close to him.
Jude walked down the stairs with Tommy right next to her. Sadie was waiting as the bottom of the stairs for them.
“Jude the press is all over the place out there. Here put these on.” Sadie said handing her a pair of black sunglasses and a black hat. Jude took them and put them on as Tommy put in his sunglasses. Darius opened the front door and came walking in with SME, Portia, Patsy, Jamie, Mason, and Shay right behind him.
“Jude the cars are here are you ready to go?” Darius asked, know it was a dumb question to asked but what else was he suppose to say.
“No,” She said as she took Tommy hand and reach and grabbed Sadie’s. She looked at Sadie, “don’t let go.” Jude said as she leaned against Sadie and Tommy. Tears filled Sadie’s eyes as they walked out of the house through the swarm of press and the crowd of people that had gathered in front of Jude’s house and into the cars they went.
Jude stared out the window of the limo watching the scenery around her but not paying attention to what was really going on around her. She didn’t even know who was in the limo with her. She just wanted this to be over with. She could not believe that her baby was gone and it was all her fault. She had killed her baby. If she had paid better attention at the stop light then her baby might still be her. She felt like god was punishing her for loving Tommy and for being with him when he was still married. It was all her fault. She was so into her thoughts she didn’t realize the limo had stopped until Tommy touched her hand.
“Jude where girl.” He said to her when she turned and looked at him. He climbed out and took her hand and helped her out of the limo. Sadie climbed out right behind her and took her other hand. With Kwest next to Sadie. Darius. Portia, Patsy, Jamie, SME, Mason and Shay were all behind them. They walked over to the burial site and to the waiting seats.. Tommy sat Jude down, when he tried to pull his hand away she instantly tightened her grip on his hand.
“Hey girl I have to go and talk to the priest for a minute then I will be right back.” Tommy said to her gently removing his hand from hers and kissing her on the forehead. She looked as him and nodded her head and let go of his hand. Jude stared at the pile of dirt covered with that green felts stuff. She didn’t know Tommy had came back till he sat down next to her and took her hand again. She looked up and him and then laid her head on his chest and went back to staring at the green felt covering the pile of dirt that would soon be covering her baby. Her little girl she thought. As she watched them lower the casket into the grave. She the got up when Tommy told her to and they walked over and Jude dropped the white and purple rose into the grave on top the casket then throw in the pile of dirt that Tommy had handed her. Then they were walking back to the car and back to Jude’s house. When they got there everyone went inside.
“Jude there are sandwiches and soup in the kitchen, these even some pop tarts do you want any?” Sadie asked her as Tommy help Jude off with her black shawl and her hat. Jude took her sunglasses off.
“No thank you I am not hungry. I am going to go and lay down now.” Jude said as she walked up the stairs and into her room and shut the door.
“I am going to go see if she is alright.” Tommy said as he went up stairs to check on her. He knocked on the door and walked in to find Jude sitting on her bed. She looked up at Tommy.
“I can’t get my dress off.” She said to him. He smiled at her.
“Come here,” He said as she got up and walked over to him and turned around so he could unzip her dress. Tommy slowly unzipped her dress running his finder down her back as he went. He leaned forward and kissed the nape of her neck. Jude moaned and leaned into Tommy’s touch and closed her eyes. Tommy finished unzipping her dress he continued to place small open mouth kisses along her next and her back.
“God Tommy that feel so good.” Jude said on a moan as Tommy turned her around and kissed her. She opened her mouth for his tongue as she wrapped on hand around his neck and the other one under his jacket.
“I have missed holding you like this.” Tommy said when he pulled way from the kiss for air. Jude leaned her head forward and rested it on his chest and tried to catch her breath as Tommy reach up and undid her hair so it would cascade down around her and so he could run his hand through it. He was about to kiss her again when there was a knock on the door and Sadie walked in. Sadie looked at Tommy and then Jude and turned to leave the room.
“No Sades stay, what you need.” Jude said pulling away from Tommy and reaching for her robe and still holding her dress up.
“Um sorry, I wanted to see if you two wanted anything to eat.” Sadie said knowing she had interrupted something and feeling bad for doing it.
“Sadie I already told you I am not hungry so stop I will eat when want to.” Jude said getting annoyed with Sadie. She knew that Sadie only wanted to help but she didn’t want it right now.
“Give Tommy and I a minute and then he will be down.” Jude said to Sadie. Sadie looked at Jude and then left the room.
“I will be back in a sec.” Jude said as she walked into the bathroom and changed. She came out of the bathroom in her robe and to find Tommy sitting in her bed looking out the window. Jude walked over to Tommy and sat down next to him.
“You know I love you right.” Jude as to Tommy,
“Yes and I love you,” Tommy said as he reach out to touch her but she pulled away from him.
“Don’t this can’t happen again. You need to leave Tommy.” Jude said standing up and walked over to the chair that was in front of the window and curled up in it.
Tommy looked at Jude like she had just grown two heads. “What do you mean this can’t happen again?” Tommy asked wanting to make sure he had heard her right.
“You and me, you are married Tommy and we can’t be together, you need to go home to your wife.” Jude said looking out the widow and not at him. She knew if she looked at Tommy she would not be able to do this.
“No Jude, I love you.” Tommy said as tears filled his eyes and he knelt down in front of her. Just like he did the night of her sixteenth birthday party.
“Tommy we have to. You are married and I can’t do this.” Jude said she turned and looked him in the eyes. Tommy reach out and pulled her to him and kissed her. She kissed him back for a minute and then pulled away from him.
“Jude why are you doing this?” Tommy asked her.
“Because our daughter is dead and it my fault. I killed our daughter. I love you and I wanted something I could not have to god is punishing me he took my baby from me.” Jude all but yelled at him.
“No Jude it was not you fault. It was an accident.” Tommy said trying to reason with her but she was having none of it.
“Yes Tommy it was my fault. Now leave go home to you wife, I don’t want you here.” Jude said as she walked away from him and into the bathroom and shut and locked the door.. Tommy stood there for a moment then he felt someone touch his shoulder. He turned his head and saw Sadie standing there..
“Tommy go down stairs and I will try and talk to her.” Sadie said to him. He just looked at her heart broken with tears in his eyes and then left the room.
Sadie went over and knocked on the bath room door.
“Jude it me he’s gone, you can come out now.” Sadie said to Jude. The then heard the door unlock and Jude stuck her head out around the door to make sure. When she did not see him in the room she came out and walked over to her bed and took of her robe and climbed under the blankets and curled up into a ball.
“Please leave me alone.” Jude said not facing Sadie as she pulled the blanket up to her chin.
“NO Jude we are not going to leave you alone you can push us all away if you want to but we are not going to go away and how could you did that to Tommy. He loves you and you love him.” Sadie said to Jude as she walked over and sat down in the chair by Jude’s bed.
“I know he does and I love him but we can’t do this anymore he needs to be with his wife and work on his marriage.” Jude said to Sadie.
“That didn’t stop you for I mean after he told you that he was staying married.” Sadie said to Jude as she tried to reason with her.
“Yeah and look where it got up. My baby is dead because I wouldn’t stay way from Tommy I am being punished for wanted someone I shouldn’t be with.” Jude said to Sadie.
“Oh honey it not yours or Tommy’s fault that you baby is gone.” Sadie said to her wanted to help her and Tommy but not sure how to.
“Then who’s fault is it?” Jude demanded to know.
“Jude it was not ones fault it was an accident.” Sadie said to Jude.
“No it was my fault now leave me alone.” Jude said turning away from Sadie. Sadie didn’t know what to do.
“Fine Jude I will leave this room but I am not leaving you alone.” Sadie said as she got up and walked out of Jude’s room and back down stairs.
She found Kwest talking to Tommy, Darius, Shay and Mason. Patsy, Jamie and SME were playing a game on the X Box 360. They all stopped what they were doing and turned and looked at her. She shook her head has tears filled her eyes.
“She thinks it all her fault, She keeps saying she killed her baby. How do we help her?” Sadie sobbed as Kwest ran over and caught her as she collapsed.
“Sadie!” Kwest said as she picked her up and she wrapped her arms around him and sobbed into his shoulder. She cried for the baby her sister lost, she cried because she could not help any of them.
“I’m alright Kwest.” Sadie said after a few minute she pulled away and looked up at him.
“Sadie why don’t you and Kwest go home tonight and get some rest. Mason and I will stay here and watch over Shorty.” Shay suggested. Tommy walked over to Kwest and Sadie and sat down next to them.
“I will also be here. I know why she is pushing me away and I am not going to let her do it. Sades you need to get some sleep and take care you self if you don’t you are going to make you self sick. Tommy said to her and Kwest.
“Will you call me if anything happens?” Sadie asked Tommy, Mason and Shay. They all looked at her and smiled and shook their heads yes.
“Alright I will go but you have to call me.” Sadie said feeling guilty for leaving Jude she knew that Tommy was right. So she got up and took Kwest hand and they left.